Stopping Telemarketers

Update (4/24/01): Here's a little trick I learned recently: many telemarketers use automated equipment to dial multiple numbers simultaneously. These automated machines pass on live calls to humans who then go into the pitch you didn't want to hear. Here's the full list of possibilities the automated machines react to:

1. The phone is answered, sound is heard from the other end followed by a pause. This scenario is considered a live call, and is passed on to a human to start the pitch. Note that really short telephone answering messages fit this pattern, which is why you may get calls on your machine that go like this: "Hello, Mr. Hogan? ... Mr Hogan? ... Hello?"
2. The phone is answered, continuous sound is heard from the other end. This scenario is considered an answering machine pickup. The number is marked to be called again, at a different time.
3. The phone is not answered. The number is marked to be called again, at a different time.
4. The telephone company plays the "I'm sorry, but the number you've attempted to reach has been disconnected" message. The number is marked to never be called again.

Note that the recorded message in scenario #4 starts with a series of upward rising three tones (doo dah dee). It's those tones that tell the automated equipment the number is disconnected, not the voice message that follows. So, find a number that's been disconnected, record the tones, and add them to the start of your answering machine's outgoing message! (Example: "DOO DAH DEE, this is Thom, I'm unavailable at the moment, so please leave me a message at the tone...BEEP.") Your friends will think you're a little wierd, but not after you explain why your answering machine plays those tones.

Building Your Own Script

While you'll never be able to stop all telemarketers from disturbing you, it is possible to ensure that telemarketers who do will never call again.

Federal regulations require that telemarketers keep and maintain a Do Not Call List. This is a list of phone numbers that the company may not call again for ten years. Next time a telemarketer calls, make sure to tell them to put your phone number on that list. (In recent years, I've adopted the following response to the first thing a telemarketer says: "It is the policy of this household to withhold all future business from companies that solicit us via telephone." For most "legitimate" telemarketing efforts, this results in an immediate apology, a toll-free number to call if I have any questions, and no future calls from that organization, as this is usually interpreted in their script as a do not call response. For the rest, I just hang up after making that statement and hope they got the message.)

If you want to be removed from a master marketing list used by hundreds of companies, send a signed request asking to be removed from all telemarketing lists, along with your full name, street address, city, state, ZIP Code, and phone number (including area code) to:

Direct Marketing Association
PO Box 9014
Farmingdale, NY 11735-9014

You may wish to do more than just get your name on a list; perhaps you even want to take up the telemarketer's time and make them squirm a bit. You need to know a few things:

• When telemarketers call you they use a 'script.' (Below you'll find your own script to use back on them. When a telemarketer starts getting asked the right questions, they start getting nervous. This can be very amusing.)
• If telemarketers violate certain federal regulations while speaking to you, you may be able to sue them for $500.
• Most importantly, if you ask to be put on a company's Do Not Call List, they may not call you again for 10 years.

About the Script

Every question in the script is intended to help you take control of the conversation and find out what you need to know. If they ask you why you're asking a question, read the relevant law to them and repeat your question. When you're following the script, be sure to write down the answers you receive; you'll need this to take action against companies that don't follow the rules.

• What is the name of the company you are calling for?
  Make sure you are getting the name of the company they are calling on behalf of, not the name of the telemarketing company they work for.
• Is this a telephone solicitation?
  Telemarketers will almost always say 'no' to this question the first time. When they do, say "Well, according to Federal Law a solicitation is a telephone call intended to 'encourage the purchase or rental of, or investment in, property, goods, or services,' is that what this is?" Often at this point, they'll start to realize that they may not be in control of the conversation. Sometimes they'll admit that, yes indeed, this is a telephone solicitation, but just as often they won't. Don't worry about it. Mark down their answer and move on.
• Could you please tell me your full name?
  They may have been suspicious after question number two, but now there's no doubt: you are not just going to say 'no thanks' and let them move on. Telemarketers seem to get very privacy-conscious when confronted with this question. They'll try to get away with just giving their first name; don't let them, the law says you're entitled to know their full name.
• And your phone number?
  Telemarketers are required to give you a phone number where you may contact the business they are calling for.
• What is your company's mailing address?
  This one usually doesn't get answered. Again, we're looking for the address of the company on whose behalf they are calling. Unfortunately, few telemarketers seem to know what the company's address is, even though they are supposed to. Don't be surprised if they transfer you to a supervisor here. Another response is for them to hang up on you!
• Does the company you are calling for keep a list of numbers it's been asked not to call?
  It's a violation of federal law if they don't.
• Does the company you are calling for have a written policy concerning their don't call list?
  They are required by federal law to have a written policy.
• Could you mail me a copy of that written policy?
  Upon request, telemarketers are required to provide you with a written copy of their Do Not Call List policy.

The Script

The Law

"A person who receives more than one telephone call within any 12 month period by or on behalf of the same company in violation of the regulations prescribed under this subsection may, if otherwise permitted by the laws or rules of court of a State bring in an appropriate court of that State:

A. an action based on a violation of the regulations prescribed under this subsection to enjoin such violation,

B. an action to recover for actual monetary loss from such a violation, or to receive up to $500 in damages for each such violation, whichever is greater, or

C. both such actions.

It shall be an affirmative defense in any action brought under this paragraph that the defendant has established and implemented, with due care, reasonable practices and procedures to effectively prevent telephone solicitations in violation of the regulations prescribed under this subsection. If the court finds that the defendant willingly or knowingly violated the regulations prescribed under this subsection, the court may, in its discretion, increase the amount of the award to an amount equal to not more than 3 times the amount available under subparagraph (B) of this paragraph."

But, if you want to sue, you'd need to ask these additional questions:

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